Not Everything Goes to Plan…and That Might be the Best Thing for You

If there’s one thing you can count on in life, it’s that disappointment (and failure) will come knocking. Sometimes gently. Sometimes like a battering ram. Whether it’s a failed relationship, a missed opportunity, or just one of those weeks where nothing goes right, learning how to handle disappointment is essential.

I’ve faced my fair share of life setbacks in my forty-something years—and through them, I’ve learned how to shift my mindset, find peace, and (eventually) move forward with hope.

I’ve been disappointed in myself, in other people, in my kids, in my family, in my relationships, my friendships, my work, my messy bathroom…the list goes on!

There are the big ones: love that didn’t last, jobs that didn’t come through, and dreams that didn’t come to fruition. And then there are the slow-burn disappointments, like realizing a situation you’ve invested so much energy in just isn’t going to pan out, or watching your adult child make choices that break your heart.

As much as those sting (and oh, they do), I’ve come to believe that disappointment isn’t the end of the story. It’s a pause. A detour. Sometimes even a redirect. Coping with unmet expectations is a life skill they don’t teach in school! 

The Emotional Spiral of Unrealized Expectations

I recently had a setback that shook me a bit. Something I was hoping would finally allow me to move in a direction I’d been hoping for and praying about for a while. When things didn’t happen in the timeframe I wanted them to, I was upset. I wallowed in it a bit, to be honest. It had been a long road and the outcome I desired did not come to pass.

When things like this happen, many of us tend to spiral. I load up every little thing in my life that isn’t exactly as I’d like it to be and find myself in a thought pattern that’s not exactly healthy. I ruminate on all of it at the same time which, I know, is not helpful and makes the situation worse. It can suck me in and take me down so fast, and before I know it, I’m so upset I can’t do anything but go to bed. 

Lying there with the covers pulled over my head, I replay every moment that led up to the disappointment. My mind kept asking, What am I going to do now? and Why does this keep happening? It’s exhausting and familiar.

So what do we do when life throws us a curveball? We call our mom of course! When I told her about it, she asked me “but does this change anything for you?”, and it made me really stop and think. 

Shifting Your Perspective When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

Even though this situation didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, I still have so much to be grateful for. In the grand scheme of things, I have the flexibility to shift gears and still end up at my final destination, but maybe via a longer route. Being in a position of flexibility is not something everyone is fortunate to have. Recognizing this led me down a path of gratitude.   

I reminded myself that I have so much! Not in the flashy, Instagram-worthy kind of way. But in the ways that actually matter. I’m healthy. My kids are healthy. We have love. We have laughter. I have someone special in my life whom I adore, and who adores me. I have more than enough! I also know that things don’t always happen on our timeline. Trusting the timing of life is hard, but often it’s worth the wait!

Reminding myself of this immediately took the pressure off. Recognizing what’s outside my realm of control allows me to focus on what is within my control, what I can be grateful for, and the possibilities that the disappointment offers. Suddenly, that disappointment didn’t feel like a dead end, it felt like a moment of perspective. A reminder.

Finding Peace When the Outcome Isn’t What You Hoped For

The truth is, we spend so much time and energy fighting disappointment, like it’s something to be ashamed of or feared. But maybe it’s just life doing what life does, rearranging things we can’t quite see from where we’re standing.

I never fully understood the whole “praise God in the storm” thing people say. It always felt like something you’re supposed to say, not something that actually helps. But lately, it’s started to make sense. Not in a preachy, just-be-grateful way, but more like this:

When I pause to acknowledge that I’m not in control of everything, and thank God anyway, it opens up space in me. Space for peace. For trust. For hope. 

I don’t have to force life to go my way. Letting go of the outcome doesn’t mean I’m giving up; it means I’m giving myself permission to trust what’s unfolding. I can rest knowing that I’m held. That what’s for me won’t miss me. That maybe, just maybe, the disappointment is actually divine protection or redirection.

It doesn’t mean I stop dreaming. It doesn’t mean I stop trying.

It just means that when one door closes, I don’t sit there banging on it until my knuckles bleed. I turn around. I breathe. I trust. And I keep looking for the next open door, because one always seems to come. Eventually.

So if you’re in one of those in-between, disappointing, what-now seasons, I see you! I’ve been there. I might be there again by the time this blog posts. But let’s not waste too much time stewing in what didn’t work out. Let’s stay open to what still might work out.

Because hope? That’s one thing we can count on, even in seasons of waiting, even in the middle of disappointment.

Have you been through a season of disappointment lately? I’d love to hear how you’re working through it, drop a comment or share this with someone who needs the reminder.